i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
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i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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