ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's the barista slut.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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