just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
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You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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