I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
