you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
