I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
