so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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