You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think my moral compass just broke
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
