I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
