i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
