i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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