There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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