So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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