Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
