your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
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I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
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The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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