my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize