my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
