But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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