I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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