he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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