Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
