I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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