Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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