i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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