guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
