His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
