I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
