Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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