Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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