i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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