This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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