Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
