Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also, beer. Big fan.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
