sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This beer is not sobering me up at all
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
