yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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