We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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