but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
3 2 1 whiskey
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
