Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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