Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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