someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
