This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
