Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
