I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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