i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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