Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
