PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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