It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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