How'd it feel making her break her religion?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
