If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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