wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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