Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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