can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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