I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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