drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
