Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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