this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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