I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
