Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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