Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
