it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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