Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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