If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
