The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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