"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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