Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
