i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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