Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
