i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
