My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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