community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
