Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
