I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
