You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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