Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
