Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
