I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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