you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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