If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
