I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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